What is a Safe Connection?
Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most imporant aspect of mental health. Social Support is not the same as merely being in the presence of others. The critical issue is reciprocity: being truly heard and seen by the people around us, feelign that we are held in someone else's mind and heart.
One of the biggest human needs is the need for Safety. We will seek after it unconsciously. Have you ever felt nervous walking into a room of people you didn't know? The anxious feeling is your body's way of unconsciously communicating that you don't feel safe. Yet, we know we can override that feeling by seeking out safety within our control. That might look like, finding a person to talk to and approaching them, looking at the table of food and finding something to eat or drink, taking a deep breath and preparing to enter the room, reassuring your brain that you are feeling anxious and that you are choosing to walk into that room anyway.
We know that our body doesn't want to live in a state of feeling unsafe, so we eventually set up a way to feeling safe again. In life, we want safe connections.
I want you to journal about these questions: What are my safe connections? (it can be people, places, activities, etc)
Am I a safe connection for someone else and for myself?
What can I do today to be a safe connection?
How can you gain more safe connections in your life?
One thing I found with my writers is that they don't feel safe about writing a book. They worry about judgment, criticism, making it perfect, feel like they don't know enough, and don't feel like they have the time to write!
Have you felt any of these things?
First, you need to admit you have these thoughts.
Write down the thoughts, get them out of your head, and answer the thought by asking, "Is this true?"
Second, play devil's advocate with yourself, "How is this NOT true?"
Third, then ask yourself, "What other obstacles stand in my way?" Brainstorm it and then say, what can I give to someone else to be responsible for?
Fourth, take action and start writing! Let it flow. Give yourself permission to believe that you have what it takes to write and you can move forward. You got this!
